


misguided ghosts

by chcrrvs



Series: past [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 12:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20446811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chcrrvs/pseuds/chcrrvs
Summary: i’m sinking like a storm in a seai’m burning like a bridge for your body





	misguided ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: describes in depth anxiety attack (written from experience)

Oikawa felt the ache in his chest, ever-present whenever he mentally broached the topic. He felt it creep into his throat, into his skull and behind his eyes. He felt the pressure, felt the headache. He felt it spread down from his throat, reaching his stomach and forcing his dinner into his throat. He felt the infection spread through his limbs in the form of fatigue, a numb tingling reaching to his fingertips. He felt paralyzed. He let his eyes close, suddenly exhausted. This is why he never let himself think about it, never let his mind wander, never let his head think of all the horrible possibilities. The infection oozed into his lungs, into his ribs. He couldn’t breathe. His chest heaved erratic breaths, in-in out, in-in out, in-in out. He couldn’t stop it. His breaths were high, gasping, shallow, in his throat. He couldn’t breathe. His mind was racing with possibilities, scenarios, nightmares, fears. He felt them culminate in his chest where his heart should be, an insatiable black hole that couldn’t be satisfied. His ears were ringing and the only thing he could hear was his own panic-ridden thoughts. He felt, distantly, as though he was detached from his physical form, his phone vibrate. It was laying right by his hand, face-up, light cutting through his dark room. He grabbed it, weakly, and dragged his body onto his side, staring at his phone. It was from Iwaizumi. He felt his fingers type a vague response, not thinking about what he was actually saying. He couldn’t.

_ -Is everything alright? _

Oikawa breathed in a sigh, tight and restricted. He felt his stomach recoil and his knees buckle into his chest, his phone falling weakly from his hands as he moved them to the back of his neck, eyes blown wide. His breath quickened again, entire body tense and tears falling, undisrupted. He gripped his fingers into his hair, wanting nothing more than to cry out and scream and kick and be buried thirty feet under the ground. But he couldn’t. What he could do, instead, is stay in his tight fetal position, stomach coiled into knots and hair being pulled from his scalp, breathing near to impossible and ears ringing. His phone buzzed again.

- _ Oikawa? _

_ _ He needed to ground himself. Plant himself back in reality. This reality, right here, where Iwaizumi is just some pixels on a screen and Oikawa isn’t hated by everybody in his life. The reality where Iwaizumi sends him good night texts every night without fail and tells him he loves him and Oikawa believes him. The reality where Oikawa isn’t cripplingly lonely and isolated because he has loved ones who actively help him and are there for him, and Oikawa doesn’t take them for granted. Oikawa needed to bring himself back to that. The truth, the reality, the world he lived in. Yeah, Oikawa thought, that’s real. He’s not going to lose Iwaizumi. He wouldn’t do that, not after everything they’ve been through together. Not after their history. Oikawa could trust Iwaizumi, could rely on him. He didn’t have to force himself to do this on his own. He texted back. 

_ -No. Can we talk? _

**Author's Note:**

> title: misguided ghosts, paramore  
description: tatuo, brand new


End file.
